Loving Daughters

There is no doubt that raising daughters is quite different from raising sons. Daughters and sons have distinct gender roles. When cultivated, these roles are essential when it comes to producing a healthy, God designed family. I am passionate about teaching our girls to embrace their God-given femininity while also remaining modest, graceful, and strong. Modesty in today's world is a whole 'nuther topic that I'll have to get into some other day.

In my opinion, much of the feminist movement over the last 40 years, has not only been harmful to the basic foundation of the family unit but it has also been a catalyst for all kinds of human sin. On another note, women (and men) have been duped into thinking they they (women) should be "doing it all." Just because we can, doesn't mean that we should. Isn't that the truth on so many levels? Yes, I agree that some women's rights issues have been worthy and legitimate. Issues like voting, equal pay, sexual harassment and the like. Believe me, I was also caught up in the "women's lib" way of thinking in my early, single years. Although a prominent career can be exciting, challenging, and rewarding, it is not what God designed for us women- especially those that are married with a family. I realize that this may not sit well with some career-minded ladies. It also doesn't sit well with their husbands who are accustomed to thinking that they "need" those two-incomes to support that bigger mortgage, that luxury car, or those extra toys. I know, I know, I'm basically every women's rights organization's nightmare and I'm perfectly fine with that. Getting back to raising our little women...

The Bible tells us this about daughters in Psalm 144:12-13, “That our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace: that our garners may be full.”

As corner-stones, polished after the similitude of palace, God desires that our daughters grow up to become strong and beautiful ~ and adorned with all the ornaments belonging to their sex. What are the “ornaments” that the Bible teaches belong to the female sex? Titus 2:4-5 describes them as: soberness, love for family, discretion, purity, excellent housekeeping, goodness, and submission to authority.

That’s a tall order, isn’t it? And the reason that it is so important that our daughters be taught and trained in these areas is because (as the Treasury of David so wisely puts it), “Daughters unite families as corner stones join walls together, and at the same time, they adorn them as polished stones garnishing the structure into which they are builded.”

Daughters are an important part of every family, and it is our duty to teach them how to be a blessing to our families now so that they will understand how to be a blessing to the family they will marry into later on.

So, how are we to go about accomplishing so great a task?

First of all, we must remember that daughters have a great need for love and security.

1. Daughters need to be treated with kindness.

2. Daughters feel loved when we are patient with them.

3. A critical spirit is a destructive thing to a daughter’s spirit ~ it causes her to feel insecure about who she is and what she is able to do.

4. Comparison also causes daughters to feel insecure about themselves. Daughters are in desperate need of acceptance in order to become the polished corner stone of the family that God desires them to be.

5. It’s a mothers job to identify the special needs that her daughter has and help her to overcome or practically accommodate them.

6. Mothers must be careful not attribute motives, nor take offense, lose patience, or take the ridiculous things that daughters do too personally.

7. Mothers must remember that daughters need to be raised in a happy, loving home in order to feel totally secure. No amount of love, compliments or kindness will make up for the fear that is brought into a daughter’s heart by marital strife or divorce.

Secondly, daughters need to be taught to control their emotions.

1. Whining, gossiping and complaining should not be tolerated. Make every effort to train your daughter to be sensible by teaching her how to be thankful, patient and kind as she deals with her every day issues of life.

2. Emotions must be taught to follow and not allowed to lead. The best teacher is example. Make it your goal to be a good example of this so that your daughter can “see” how this is done.

3. Daughters must be taught that they may not use their “hormones” as an excuse for sin!

4. Teach your daughter how to manage her tears. There is a time for tears ~ when they are hurt, when someone they know or see is seriously injured or dies. But crying is not something that should continue on and on ~ they should be short and brief. Even in the case of death of a loved one: there is a time to cry, and there is a time to cease from crying.

5. The same goes for silliness. Giggling and acting giddy is fine at times, but too much of it makes a girl ridiculous.

Thirdly, daughters must be raised to embrace their femininity.

1. Daughters should be taught to be home-centered. They should be encouraged to love working with their hands ~ both in housework and handiwork.

2. Daughters should be encouraged to wear dresses, fix their hair and want to look pretty.

a. However, we must be diligent to encourage them to be MODEST and pretty. The female body is a beautiful creation of God and modesty teaches them that it is a precious thing that must be saved for their future husband (and not the whole world) to enjoy.

b. We also must be careful not to raise our daughters to be too prissy or “primadonas” who only a mother and father is able to tolerate and love :).

3. Daughters must be encouraged to play with toys that will encourage her to home-centered and not bedroom-centered. (Baby dolls rather than Barbie dolls)

4. Daughters must be taught and trained how to respond to the men around them.

a. Daughters have a God given need for male attention. Teach them when they are little how to love and serve Dad, so that Dad will enjoy being around them.

b. Teach your daughter how to respect her Dad and brothers. This is will prepare her to enjoy good success when she is married to her own man later on.

Mothers are the role models for their daughters, and it is important that we realize that we are teaching our daughters every day by the way we live. As Christian mothers, it is vital that we commit ourselves to living as the godly women that we would want our daughters to grow up to become. This is a tall order, but one which is certainly possible as we grow in the grace and knowledge of our loving God.

I thought this was a great article posted by Julie Fink @ Lessons for Ladies. Raising godly little women IS a tall order indeed and I am so thankful that I have God's blueprint. A few of the above mentioned points really convicted me but it's also been helping me to nurture, direct, and look ahead to the bigger picture of shepherding daughters who will become future corner stones for their families.