Who I Am

In my Thursday morning bible study, there are several new women who have joined our group since we resumed after the new year. Last week, as we went around the table to re-introduce ourselves, one of the new women said something that has been lingering on my mind ever since. It wasn't until a couple of days ago that I finally paused long enough to think about what she said and why, in fact, it had bothered me.

Almost immediately, she shared the fact that she was dealing with a difficult situation at home. Her 25 year-old daughter had two children out of wedlock. In addition to that, she was not married and now living at home. What bothered me was the fact that when she told us this, she specifically called her daughter my "adopted daughter." In fact, she said it twice.

I couldn't put my finger on it at the time but it was almost like she was saying,

"I don't want to claim her as "my own" because of the mess that she's gotten herself into." I realize that I am perhaps putting words into this woman's mouth by suggesting that this is what she meant. To be fair, it's true, I don't know the whole breadth of this woman's story. My intention is not to sound judgemental. I just didn't understand what being adopted had anything to do with her story?

If her 25 year-old daughter had no illegitimate children and was about to marry a man that her parents greatly approved of, would she still be calling her her "adopted daughter?" Maybe so. If that's the case, that's sad. Not because I don't embrace where my children came from or the fact that another woman gave birth to them. I'm never ashamed to tell anyone that my daughters are adopted. But there is also an appropriate time and place to share this information and never in a way that would make my children feel uncomfortable, unworthy or embarrassed. Being adopted is not an adjective. It is simply a fact. It does not describe their worth or their future. If our daughters end up making choices for themselves that cause our family pain and heartache, we will not start calling them our "adopted daughters." We love and value our children because of who they are, not because we share the same blood. By the same token, their worth or identity is not diminished by what they do or don't do. They are legally and wholeheartedly just our daughters.

The thought did cross my mind that maybe I'm being a little too sensitive? But then I put myself in the shoes of that 25 year-old young woman. What if she had just heard her mom refer to her as my "adopted daughter." Ouch. After all, when I mess up, would I want my kids to start calling me their "adoptive mom?"

One of my greatest responsibilities is teaching my children that their value comes from knowing who they are in Christ. Understanding that truth will help them live a victorious Christian life. I was reminded that through Jesus' blood, we are all God's adopted children. Even in our weaknesses, God refers to us as His sons and daughters, not His "adopted sons and daughters." The bible says that we are heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ of everything God has and everything God is. ~Romans 8:17.

Words are powerful. The tongue has the power to tear down or to build up. One sentence, one word can last a lifetime. Personally, I have experienced hurtful words that can leave a deep scar and take years to heal. By the same token, encouraging words from my husband have always played a huge part in my marriage and the woman of worth that I am today. If nothing else, this brought to light the desire to know without a doubt what my Heavenly Father says about me. I believe the more we reaffirm who we are in Christ, the more our behavior will begin to reflect our true, God-given identity...

*This woman did not come to bible study today but I am looking forward to see what God has in store for us as we get to know one another better. As my friend Ann says, maybe we have crossed paths simply because I am supposed to pray for her and her daughter? Thank you, Ann for always speaking truth in love. I will be sure to share an update if any developments are made.