Praiseworthy

Last week was one of the best weeks I've had in a long, long time. I'm not really sure where to begin or what to even say. I just feel like I needed to document it here and give all the praise, glory and honor to God. It started on Tuesday. Each day, I was being led by the Holy Spirit and He took over just about every moment throughout the day. This has never happened to me before. It was a transformation that could not have happened on my own. I know this full-well because I have been trying to do things on my own for so long. Sure, there have been moments throughout the day when I have been filled with the Spirit but ultimately, they were just that- fleeting moments. Last week, my family noticed a big difference and I have to admit, there were so many times that I even surprised myself.

Did that really just come out of my mouth? Who is speaking in that super sweet voice? Who is that, that is choosing to extend grace, dole out tenderness, and forgive unconditionally, right from the start?

It seemed as if Someone, Something, took over my body, my heart, and then my words. I adored it. I basked in it. I got to experience what it was like to walk in the Holy Spirit ALL DAY. It was the first time I became the mother that I wanted to be- the mother that God knew I could be. Every morning, I woke up and I prayed, "Dear God, please do not let me go back to my former self. Please keep this going. I need You."

Last night, after almost a week of getting used to my "new" self, Faith and I had a precious and breakthrough moment. She is my super intuitive and bright child. Nothing gets past her, whereas Grace can be marvelously oblivious at times. My Grace is naturally pretty lovable and happily soaks up any kind of affection or kindness. Even though Faith enjoyed and liked the new me, I just knew that all week long, she was on reserve. It was as if she was reluctant to believe if this change in me was real. She held back a little and even tested some throughout the week. Last night after dinner, Faith and I were on the kitchen floor while Morgan finished up the dishes and Grace was coloring at the table. She and I began to hug and soon, the hugging became a full body wrap around. I felt that she wanted to engulf every part of me and I her. She hugged me with so much depth and gratitude. It seemed like 10 minutes had gone by in this silent embrace that spoke volumes. She only let go of her hold to look at me in the eyes and sweetly say, "We live in love, mommy." I told Morgan later that I could practically feel her body surrender to me at that very moment. She went on to tell me that she loved me 5 more times last night before bedtime- all without prompting.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you for these lessons, these moments, and these days with You. I rejoice in the fact that I am not alone. There is such a freedom when one decides to surrender. And with that freedom, there comes beauty and peace. God in His infinite wisdom and grace has been waiting to take over. I am realizing that it's a difficult task to try and hold on to my own pride, my own stubbornness, all the while, only half-heartedly seeking God's help. All along, He has been patiently waiting on me to surrender. To earnestly seek Him first and take over my life in all aspects- not just in the places that I think I can't handle. Last week was a wake up call that I needed badly. I can do nothing of worth without God. Praise and glory to His name!