26 August 2014

Fix My Eyes

To hear the song.

The girls and I are big fans of For King and Country and this song has been my mantra this year, especially in light of all that’s been going on with Zach. Each day, he continues to make small improvements in the right direction and we are so thankful he is getting better!

In the last 2 weeks, we have gone through just about every emotion I can think of but the overriding one is by far, GRATEFULNESS. Not just because our boy is getting better but because God, in His infinite Sovereignty chose us to be Zachary’s family.

Even before he got really sick, we were feeling so blessed by the addition of a new little one. The love in our family grew even more (and to think, he’s not even home yet!).

When Zach was at his sickest, there were moments when things got really hard.

When doctors tell you there’s nothing more they can do. They hug you and look at you with eyes of empathy and say things like, “I’m so very sorry.” Yup. That was hard.

When you see your baby and he looks nothing like how you left him. He’s connected to a million different tubes and his little body is swelled up like a balloon from all the different meds. That was hard.

When his puffy chalk-colored body is lying there bare on a table, shaking from the ventilator that’s keeping him alive by breathing for him. That was hard.

When you spend days starring at a screen of numbers willing his vital signs to move yet they don’t begin to show any signs of improvement. That was hard.

And after 5 days of this, when doctors tell you that he’s probably not going to make it. Yes, that was very hard.

But…

Despite it all, we had a supernatural peace that only God can give.

Oh, believe me, there were moments when fear and fatigue tried to overtake me but God’s promises and His love for us, carried us through those darkest days. Even though it was surreal at times, we knew we were exactly where we were meant to be as family. We were (and continue to be) in the center of His will. And somehow, Our Gracious God was going to use it all for His glory. 

And that made everything OK… even though we didn’t know the outcome.

We were being given the opportunity to live out everything we believe in.

Our girls were not only seeing our faith in action, they were a part of it-- creating their own ministry, both within our community and at the hospital.

They made these signs and posted them everywhere.

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They made these notes and handed them out to anyone they could, asking them to pray.

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They comforted me when I was on my knees crying out to God.

And they never, ever, gave up their JOY or their HOPE that God would heal their baby brother.

Some may consider a trial like this an interruption to life as they know it but as Morgan and I sat there exhausted in the hotel lobby that first night after seeing our son on the edge, we believed with all our heart that this was no interruption or inconvenience to life…

This is what life is all about.

And we are privileged to be a small part of his story.

Thank you for sustaining us with your heartfelt prayers and your words of encouragement.

It has meant so much to us.

Let us continue to fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith. ~Hebrews 12:2 

Love like I'm not scared
Give when it's not fair
Live life for another
Take time for a brother
Fight for the weak ones
Speak out for freedom
Find faith in the battle
Stand tall but above it all
Fix my eyes on You

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