(one of our engagement photos)
It’s hard to believe that 17 years have passed since I first met my husband. I was a young, independent, ambitious 24 year old at the time. Little did I know, five years after meeting, we would have our first date. I remember calling my mom shortly after and saying, “You know my friend, Morgan? I think I’m going to marry him someday.” Two years later, on the eve of my 31st birthday, we were married. It was the most perfect October day.
Here are 10 things I’ve learned in 10 years of marriage:
1. Being patient paid off. We both got married a little later in life and had our share of relationships along the way. However, when it came to marriage, I waited until I was certain (as certain as one can be). Morgan proposed in May and once he did, he wanted to get married as soon as possible. He said, “Why wait?” Um, because I have a wedding to plan? We were married 5 months later and yes, he did much of the planning himself! Growing up, my mom always told me never to settle. Thankfully, for once, I listened to her. The best decision I ever made was to wait on marriage.
2. Marriage takes work. How naïve I was to think that ours would never be hard. I have to admit, the first 5 years was a breeze! However, once you add a mortgage, kids, and the reality that indeed, the honeymoon is officially over- it can get tough (not to mention, exhausting). Loving your spouse is a given, but marriage takes effort and intentionality. One of the things I love about Morgan is the fact that he’s always willing and trying to make our relationship better. I feel like we’re finally coming out of the crazy, young, child rearing years so in many ways, we’re just finding our stride again.
3. Commonality is key. After 10 years, we still like to do everything together. We still have the same interests, desires and goals. Sure, he likes to watch Top Shot and I like my Food TV but in the end, we’d rather do something together. Couples who have their separate interests are fine but I married Morgan because he’s my best friend. I love being with him so even a minute without him, is a minute too long.
4. Marriage produces sanctification. I’m just starting to learn this one. Like I said, it’s been somewhat easy up until a few years ago. I admit that I can be selfish, lazy, and somewhat self-centered at times. Marriage is about learning to make the choice to lovingly serve one another. Dying to yourself has got to be one of the toughest things to do but with God’s word and the Lord’s help, I’m committed to keep growing in this area.
5. Marriage, the ultimate united front. Never, ever speak negatively about your spouse. Not to your friends, your children, your family, or even the world wide web. There’s probably not a day that goes by in our home where we don’t say, “Do unto others as you would have them do to you.” Or, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Thankfully, I have plenty of nice things to say about my husband but more than that, I think it’s a matter of respect. If I have a problem with him, I tell him right away. Even best friends can have disagreements or arguments but ultimately, your spouse needs to be able to trust you. You’re either on the same team or you’re not.
6. Don’t forget to laugh. Sometimes, all you can do is laugh, right? Keep laughing together. Over the years, we’ve also learned to laugh at ourselves. Life can be serious enough. We try not to take ourselves too seriously.
7. Communication is key. Most marriages fail because couples don’t know how to communicate. Believe me, I’m not saying we’re experts. However, I do know that we like to resolve issues right away and then move forward. Remember, we’re on the same team. Morgan and I have never stayed upset with each other for any length of time. Tactics like the silent treatment or avoiding one another only puts wedges in relationships. Be a grown up and talk it through. Then, MOVE ON.
8. My husband is my prince but he’s not my King. Morgan is everything and more than I could have ever hoped for or deserve. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t feel blessed by being his wife. However, he’s not my Jesus. Unlike my Lord and Savior, he can not and will never be able to fulfill my every emotional or spiritual need. And YES, that’s the way it’s supposed to be!
9. Three are better than two. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” God remains our foundation and ultimate authority in marriage. Without a Christ centered marriage, even two can be defeated. Let’s face it, we’re all prone to sin. However, a marriage rooted in Christ seeks God’s will before our own, serves one another in love and keeps the marriage covenant sacred.
10. Finish well, together. In our wedding video, there’s a section where the videographer interviews our guests. Sadly, all of our friends and even some of our extended family are now divorced. We can hardly believe it. Our immediate family members are the only ones who are still married. Sad, huh? I know it sounds counter-cultural but marriage is a life long commitment, not a trial run. You don’t quit just because it gets hard. Morgan’s parents have been married for 51 years and mine have been married for 45. I know they’ve endured some hard times along the way but they also persevered and never gave up. Like everything else in life, marriage if often about the journey. However, in the end, we plan to finish well, together.
Of course, there are many more things I’ve learned in the last 10 years. Like how I’m not that great to be married to. Wouldn’t we all like to think that we’re the best spouse, mother, friend, etc.? Truth is, I’m still learning and I’ve got a long way to go. My husband’s not perfect but he’s the perfect gift for me. He’s not only an amazing husband and father, he is a man of true integrity, leadership and honor.
He’s the one person in my life who really knows me. He knows all about my quirks, stubbornness, pride and mistakes. Yet he continually gives me the grace to grow. More than any other person, he symbolizes the love Christ has for His bride, the church. What more could a girl ask for? I AM ONE BLESSED WOMAN!
So here we are, 10 years later, with a love that’s stronger and a faith that’s deeper. May God continue to bless our marriage as we seek to glorify Him in all we do. Here’s to the next 10, 20, 30, 40, or how ever many years the Lord gives us together.
Happy Anniversary, babe. I love and adore you!
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