Love in truth

Not long ago, someone actually asked me this question..."You wouldn't want your kids to grow up and go searching for their birth mother one day or go back to Korea would you?" I have to believe that question was asked with good intention but it also came from a lack of knowledge, driven by fear. It got me thinking that maybe others out there have that same fear, not only for us, but also for every adopted child they meet or know. Although we have thought about this scenario and know our response to it, maybe I can use this opportunity to share our stance with others. We are aware that our children will naturally have many questions about their adoption as they grow older. Our intention is to answer those questions with as much clarity and honesty as we can. In fact, we plan to tell our children how we came to be a family as soon as they can understand. Hopefully, this blog will serve to answer some of those questions for them in the future, too.

As humans, I think we have a natural desire to know where we came from. For some, it helps us identify who we are. Some people find out that their history is not exactly pleasant or what they would have wanted but nonetheless, the knowledge of it is something that is inherent in most of us. Be that as it may, our first priority to our children is truth. There are no secrets, nothing to hide. We became a family by love, hope, faith and the grace of God. First and foremost, we hope to instill in our children that they are daughters of God. We are all His children and He is our Heavenly Father. God had a plan for their lives even before they were even born, just like He had a plan for us. We hope that their true identity will lie in that fact. Given that fact, we also still realize that there may come a day when they want to know more.

We have read stories of adoptees returning to their homelands, searching for and finding their biological parents, only to end up feeling more disappointed. On the other hand, we have also read stories where the adoptee found a birth parent, moved back to their birth country and started a relationship with them. By that same token, I should also say that some adoptees have no interest in searching for their biological parents. Every person is different and we can not predict how our children will feel as they grow older. Do we hope for one scenario over the other? Honestly, no. The way I see it, our children are on loan to us. After all, our goal as parents is to teach them to become independent adults. Whatever they chose to do, we will be there to help, encourage and support them. As their mother, I cannot say with absolute certainty, but I truly hope that if that time ever comes, I do not take it personally.

Maybe it's because we wanted to have children so badly and we waited such a long time, but the way I see it, to be a parent is a privilege, not a right. In reality then, they are not ours to keep forever. Our goal as parents is love them, shepherd them and nourish their souls the best we can. We pray to God that through us, they will learn to know, love, trust and serve Him in all that they do.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out fear. " 1 John 4:18

"We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life. But those who make their journey home across time and miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them, are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us by God's very own hands."
-Kristi Larson