Do we value our children?

In an effort to write more candidly this year, I’ve decided to share my thoughts on a topic that not only saddens me but it really gets my goat.  It’s the topic of valuing ourselves over our children.  Specifically, I’m referring to when moms are speaking about their children.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a mom say phrases like this:

“I CAN’T WAIT for my kids to start school again!  I’m going crazy with these little monsters at home.”

“I’m soooooo excited to be dropping my kids off at school today!!!” 

“_____ is CRAZY and I can’t do anything with him/her.  He/she wouldn’t be able to handle that.”

Sadly, most of these comments are from stay at home moms.  I especially cringe when I hear these statements being made in the very presence of her ever watchful children.  Of course, the underlying tone here is one of great joy in getting rid of her kids so that mom can have some peace and quiet- to do freely, whatever she wishes to do.  In other words, these statements convey the fact that her kids are out of control, that she’s’ tired of mothering, and that she desperately misses the long break that daily “school” provides from her children. 

Do we all need breaks?  Absolutely.  That’s what husbands, grandparents, or trusted babysitters are for.  And if those are not viable options at the moment, perhaps a better use of time management or creativity is necessary?  In our modern culture (and even in our churches), children are being looked upon as inconveniences.  We long for school to start and dread the day they outgrow children’s church.  We look at someone who has more than 3 kids as think, “Wow, CRAZY.” Instead of thinking, “What a blessing!”  If we continue down this path of thinking of our children as inconveniences, I wonder how many of them will want to spend time with us as they get older?  

Christian mothers, we are called to love one another, die to ourselves daily, value and encourage our children by lifting them up (not tearing them down), and be an example of God’s grace and mercy to an unbelieving world. 

We are NOT called to blend in to the world and adopt the growing viewpoint that children are a burden or merely a financial responsibility.  In our “me-me” world, more couples are choosing to be kid-free.  And if they do want kids, it’s often one or two.  Any more than that would be a bother or an expense-  an obstacle that may hinder the parents’ enjoyment or quality of life.   

Believe me, I’m not saying that I don’t get overwhelmed at times or that I’m some sort of super mom.  Just ask my family!  I have issues of my own that I struggle with and work on constantly.  I seek God’s grace daily and I need continued help when it comes to my own sin of selfishness.  However, I do believe God when He says,

“Children are a BLESSING from the Lord.” ~Psalm 127:3

Do you believe your children are a blessing from the Lord?  All of them? 

Do your words and tone give life or tear down? 

Do you believe your children are unaware of your tone or your words when you speak to others?

We all know that children often hear everything- whether we think they’re listening or not.  Here’s a recent example that comes to mind:

Not too long ago, a mom was making a negative comment to me about her young son.  Faith and Grace, along with that boy were all playing within earshot of our conversation.  Unfortunately, this is not the first time this mom has made exasperated and derogatory comments about her son.  This mom also has a daughter but when speaking about her, she always speaks positively.  Later that day (out of the blue), Faith asked me, “Does Mrs. ______ like her daughter more than her son?”  A little surprised by her question I said, “I’m sure she loves them the same.”  To which my daughter simply replied, “Oh.  It doesn’t seem like it.” 

We are fooling ourselves if we think our children are not aware of our tone or our words!   

As parents, it is our God given responsibility to train and control our children.  As Christians, it is our calling to die to ourselves daily (suffering as Christ did) and to learn to serve our families with joy and love.  We cannot do this alone.  

In the New Year, let us resolve to seek God’s heart for our children and value them the way He does. 

Let us kneel before the cross and give up our lives without resentment, for the lives of those He has entrusted us with. 

Let us be overcome in the presence and power of the Holy Spirit because it is only by His strength that we are able to do ALL things through Christ. 

And lastly, let us not be complacent in our salvation but instead, persevere in fighting the good fight, until the day He calls us home.