Two steps forward...

One step back. It's called regression and it happened on Sunday. Since we leave for church before 9:00 in the morning and often don't return until about 11:00 or 11:30, I made the decision to put the girls in diapers instead of their big girl panties. In hindsight, maybe I should have left them in their panties? After all, they were doing so well all week and it's not as if they don't have potty seats in Sunday school. In the past, the volunteers have even told us that the girls asked to potty there and had successfully done so. So what did I expect after more than two years of wearing diapers everyday and only a few days of being a big girl? I guess I expected a lot. As soon as we came home and I changed them into their panties, Grace had accident after accident. I think the total number was 5 for the day before I gave in and put her in a pull-up after dinner. To say that I was exhausted, spent, and frustrated is an understatement.

We had just heard a sermon that morning that spoke to me about being more gentle in my tone and words. Where did that all go?! Apparently, quickly out the door. So now, I was not only feeling exhausted and broken, I was feeling guilt ridden, too. It's not often that I cry but I found myself on the kitchen floor in tears. Morgan was out golfing on a much deserved break so he couldn't help me. I guess the emotionally and physically demanding tasks of the week just wore on me. Isn't it often though, in just those desperate moments that we meet God? As my kids sit coloring on the kitchen table, I laid there on the floor with my head hung. I did the only thing that I could- quietly cried out to the Lord and prayed. Somewhere in those few fragmented moments, God covered me in His peace. Instead of harsh words or a loud tone, He spoke to me with a gentle tenderness that I half didn't expect. He forgave me and encouraged me. He showed me His example of what loving gentleness really means.

Believe me, it's not easy for me to share my faults but in the end, giving God the glory is more important than my shortcomings. Besides, there is a powerful force in this world who gets great enjoyment out of our shortcomings. He is the prince of this world and he rejoices when we are broken. He also wants us to stay that way. How thankful I am of a God who is not only a loving and gentle Parent, He is there when I call on Him and need Him most. He is ready to forgive, encourage, and inspire. He gives me Grace. How appropriate. How Perfect. It also reminded me that I must not only surrender my day to Him but sometimes, surrendering needs to happen moment by moment.

Later that day, when I looked into my girls' faces, I saw a glimpse of God. They forgave my past, wiped it clean and joyfully loved me with open arms. I am quite certain that Morgan was supposed to be golfing on Sunday afternoon. I am also quite certain that I was scheduled to have a very intimate and personal meeting on my kitchen floor with the Lord. I have much to learn through this calling of motherhood...